Saturday, May 4, 2013

Givers and Takers

 



       Everyone at some point in their lives has had it happen to them. You wake up and it dawns on you that someone in your life is a Taker. We have all had friends, family members or co-workers that fit into this group. They are the ones that drain everything out of you. You find yourself avoiding them whenever possible, but somehow, you feel guilty. That's what Takers do. It is an art form. Guilt is used as a tool to attain whatever it is that they want. Have you ever had people in your life that you try to avoid because they make you feel guilty if you don't do what they want you to do? 

   I remember growing up and seeing my parents take care of so many people. We always had family members living with us at different times. My dad has admitted paying bills for some family and also for some friends. My parents are the complete examples of Givers. Now that I am much older, I can see so many examples of the Takers that used them. Now, don't get me wrong, not everyone that needed help was a Taker. Everyone needs help sometimes. Takers are a different breed. In a Taker's world, your wants and needs do not matter. Only their happiness and their wants are what is important. 

  History has a way of repeating itself. Although my parents have warned me many times about helping people that are Takers, you learn by what you see. It will always be in me to be a Giver. That is why I chose the career that I have. That's why I married another Giver. That's why we have been hurt by people many times. 


   I am working on saying, "NO". The problem is, when Givers say "NO" or refuse to be taken advantage of, Takers will despise the Givers. If you stop the taking, you are no longer useful and then will be discarded. The older I get, losing Takers from my life gets easier. I started standing up for myself. The word, "NO" is a beautiful word. I strive to still help people, but my help will come freely from myself and not forced upon me by Takers. 

Here are some signs of Takers:


1. Their wish is your command, and if you don’t comply, you don’t love them.
2.They believe their problems are always someone else’s fault.
3.They aren’t motivated to know, care or do anything unless it gets them something.
4.They act entitled to whatever they’re taking from you.
5.They treat you as an extension of themselves.
6.They hold everyone else accountable, but evade being held accountable.
7.They can feel needy, demanding, and overwhelm you with their own drama which is often largely self-created.
8.They use guilt and emotional tools for you to comply to what they want. 
9.These people are often jealous of your ambitions and of your successes. 
10.They disappear if you need them. They reappear when they need you. 


Which one of these are you? Who are the Takers and Givers in your life? 




8 comments:

  1. Yes, I am a giver and it bites me in the butt at times!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am a giver. After reading the Boundaries, I am somewhat better. I think my husband has made me better too. He stands up for me and tells me when to stop doing stuff so I don't get taken advantage off.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am a giver - but am trying to reel it in and be better about not over extending myself!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Reading this post couldn't have come at a better time, as my mother is very much a taker and I am once again dealing with her (I had to cut her out of my life several years ago), and am resisting the urge to be sucked into her drama. Setting boundaries is SO important when it comes to people like these - otherwise they will suck you dry!

    Jenn, http://www.in-my-bag.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like you should Goggle NPD! Sorry, I understand your pain!

      Delete
  5. This is so true. Every once in awhile I have to sit down and reevaluate relationships in my life and decide whether the right balance is there. It's really hard to decide that someone is both an emotional and/or time drain on my life without giving anything back.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love this post and so very true... thank you for writing it

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know so many people like this.

    ReplyDelete